I have never claimed that I have my act together. More often than not I am a big old ball of nerves. I struggle with all kinds of things. I struggle to wake up in the morning and get out of bed. I struggle with writing a paper. I struggle to maintain relationships, to keep my interests going and I struggle to not let my lazy nature get the best of me.
Struggle is all I have ever known in one way or another. I got through nursing school, not by being one of the smartest in the classes, but by sheer dogged determination.
I acknowledge my weaknesses. I understand this about myself. I want to go far in life and unlike some people who cannot admit their part in sabotaging their future, I am all too well aware of my own. I own it. I embrace it and I fight it with all my might.
Depression and anxiety are my bedfellows. We are on intimate terms. I make every effort to turn my back on them and carry on with my life; enjoying my family, going to work and school and just living. Rightly so, my depression and anxiety are very jealous. So every now and again they have to let me know they are still around.
I do my best to struggle through the mud (at least it feels like mud). I keep plugging along because.... well there are really no other options.
So when people tell me I'm awesome or great or really smart. I really struggle (see, there's that word again) to accept a compliment that is not owed me. I am none of those things. What I am is just too stubborn to know when to give up.
No comments:
Post a Comment