Draft 1:
Why?
It's quiet this afternoon. The kids are at their respective pre-church activities for tonight. I should be studying. Big test next Wednesday. I keep wondering what I'm thinking taking on this journey yet again when I already had my chance. I could just have a regular 9-5 job and enjoy my little life with no complications. I could enjoy spending time with the kids in the evenings and not have so much anxiety. Why?
When I was fourteen years old I lived in Greensboro, off of Church and Cone Blvd. Somehow I decided I wanted to become a candy striper at Moses Cone. Even at 14 I was driven to learn about new things and take chances. I signed myself up for a first aid and cpr class at the American Red Cross. I actually walked to Wendover from where I lived and took the class. I was that determined. I became that candy striper and was proud of my job. I also worked at Lindley Pool as a locker room attendant.
I was happy. Happy until I had something happen that forced me to move to Va. To move away from my friends and the things I enjoyed doing. It's hard to be uprooted. I was an emotional mess and not good for anything. I met friends when I got to Va. Stafford was a lot different than Greensboro. Everyone I knew had parents either in the Marines or working in D.C. including my dad and step-mom. I never stopped thinking about home; about all my friends that I missed. I stayed in Stafford for most of the school year until something else happened that prompted my dad to send me back to Greensboro.
And so it went.... I was the teen that went back and forth between my parents all through high school. I had no roots. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, without regard for how it would affect my future. My grades suffered. I really was in to my friends and boys and not as much in to school as I should have been. I finally moved out of my dad's for the last time when I was 17. I never returned to either of my parents to live. They have, over the years, helped me out tremendously.
Was I addicted to drugs? No. Did I get into legal trouble? No. I got married at 17 to my first husband. We had the most beautiful and great child. Did the marriage last? Nope. Who was to blame? Both of us. We were young and so different. I got married again a year after our divorce. Had another beautiful son eleven years later. Did it last? Nope. Who was to blame? Both of us.
Draft 2:
"How come you never tell me about your problems?"
"How come you never tell me about your problems?" she asked. I thought about it briefly before responding.
I
don't tell you about my problems simply because they are not problems.
They are life. I am a single mother of a six year old and I am also
raising a fourteen year old niece. My life is chaotic, messy and more
than a little overwhelming at times. Problems? The car breaking down,
the home repairs, the bills, having to be in three places at one time
are not problems, they are my life. A problem is something that has no
solution. Something I cannot fix or manage. I don't talk about these
things to you because I don't look at them as problems, I look at them
as every day occurrences that challenge me and I can either rise to the
occasion or I can fall apart. When you have other people who depend on
you, you do not have the luxury of falling apart. I tried it. It didn't
take.
I laugh and I smile. I pray. I depend on my
support system. Maybe if I didn't have a solid support system, I may
think of things as a problem. But thanks to the Lord, I have what I need
to see my way through the ups and downs of my life. It is a beautiful
thing to know that a minor setback is just that, a setback. There has
only been one area of my life that has been a problem the last few years
and it is taking care of itself in a way I never could have foreseen.
Life
is good. It is what you make of it. I have love and laughter in my
life, wonderful kids, friends and family and I choose not to sweat the
small stuff.
Draft 3:
The Obituary
The obituary was brief. Why wouldn't it be? It, after all, was only the
death of her sex life. There were no survivors, no one left behind to
mourn. The death of her sex life was sudden but not unexpected.
Draft 4
The Secret
If I didn't know that my life would turn upside down... Oh but I
knew. I couldn't say what only a few already knew. So I put on my face. I
dressed and went about my daily life. I wore my skin like a costume. No
one could know the real me inside. The one that spoke in her head what
she could not say aloud. I always knew that the day would come where I
would have to just yell at the top of my lungs the truth. But that time
wasn't now. My skin was feeling tighter. Ever so tighter every day. I
feel constricted. It hurts to breath sometimes. But I have to just hang
on a while longer. But how much longer? Long enough that I can deal with
the looks, the rejection, the disappointment. Can I do that now? No.
Not yet.
An unassuming woman. Mild mannered. Good mom. Plain in appearance.... She hid a secret so dark... So threatening to others.
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