I own the market on clumsiness. I don't say this to brag, as there are many other areas I would wish to excel at. I would love to be the best cook, the most knowledgeable at useless trivia, or even known as someone with an eye for coordinating socks with their shirts.
As far back as I can recall I have been clumsy. I trip over thin air. I fall over wrinkles in the carpet. I fall going up stairs. I "kiss" the bottom of the pool. I have even fallen in a stand up shower. Yes, I have fallen in a stand up shower. Just ask my beloved sister and my six year old.
Now, you may ask, why am I so clumsy? I could blame it on my benign proximal vertigo but alas that only affects me when I go from a sitting to a lying down position (makes my love life interesting to say the least and I have to have my teeth cleaned while sitting up) or I could blame it on my size ten or eleven (depends on shoe) feet or I could even blame it on my trying to do too many things at one time. Nay, the truth is... I am just clumsy. It may be a combination of all of the above or it could be that I get so involved in thinking about something that I don't pay attention to what is going on around me. I choose to believe that God needs some laughs every once in a while what with all the death, destruction and Obamanation going on in the world. God in all his glory looks down upon me and says "you know, after dealing with the Occupy people I think I need a good laugh... Oh let's see how we can embarrass her today". But see, what God doesn't know is... I am beyond being embarrassed by my clumsiness. I own it now. I have fallen in public so often now that I do nothing but laugh (hysterically), brush myself off, check for broken bones and irreparable harm to my dignity, and go about my business. I have slid down my front stairs, landed in an impossibly awkward position that you would have sworn would end in broken legs, and gotten up laughing so hard that I was crying. My friend who had come to pick me up that day for school had her cell phone in hand ready to call 911 with her mouth hanging open watching me laugh. I am not for sure she did not think I had broken what tentative link to reality I had along with broken a bone.
The latest and so far greatest (tied with falling in the stand up shower which I choose to blame on too much body wash) was at 5:30 a.m. I awoke out of a deep slumber to go check on my charge (a charming two year old named Julie; just call me Nanny Saun Saun). As I swing my legs over the side of the bed, I snag my toe or foot on a bag, pitch forward hit my head on the desk chair, land on my knee (yes that is where the rug burn came from) and roll over on my side. There were no witnesses to this but God and like I said I am here for his amusement. I do believe that this event is directly related to "getting up on the wrong side of the bed".
I am a woman of deep and complex thoughts, a loving heart, a stubborn personality, a witch without her coffee, caffeine, and carbs, and clumsy as all get out. And I OWN it. I wear the crown and the only person who could come close to taking it from me is my beloved sister.
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