Letting the "but" go

It seems since the dawn of man, people have been looking for validation. Did they do something well enough? Do they look good enough? Did they make the right decision? When do we stop looking for validation and have confidence in our own abilities? Why do we care what others think of us?

I ask this because I suffer from extreme bouts of depression brought on in large part by my overwhelming feelings of inadequacy. I have no idea when these doubts started cropping up. I know suffering from depression from the age of sixteen has brought on many a problem of its own. I manage the best I can without medication. Usually I do quite well. The insecurities I cannot pin point. I do know when I have something good in my life and am achieving levels of success, that I start to panic and doubt myself. I'm not smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough.... on and on... You get the picture. The depression coupled with the feelings of inadequacy is enough to cripple a person. Enough to cripple me anyways. I have a great future as a nurse in sight. Graduation is a mere few months away. I have a wonderful man in my life who adores me and my children. I have a home that is coming together the way it was meant to. So what is wrong? Absolutely nothing other than my brain working in overtime to find something wrong with everything.

I am lucky enough to have people in my life who love me and see things in me that I am not able to see in myself. These people listen to me and talk to me and show real concern for me. And I love them for that. But only I can pull myself together and start recognizing my own worth. I should know that I am smart, a hard worker, attractive, a great mother who has a big heart. I am fun and funny. I can be sarcastic. I quickly figure things out and can make quick decisions when needed. I know these things about myself. But for every good thing I know about myself, I follow it with a "but".... I'm smart but... I have a big heart but.... I have to let the "but" go and just stand on my own two feet and not seek validation.

Letting the "but" go.