I own the market on clumsiness. I don't say this to brag, as there are many other areas I would wish to excel at. I would love to be the best cook, the most knowledgeable at useless trivia, or even known as someone with an eye for coordinating socks with their shirts.
As far back as I can recall I have been clumsy. I trip over thin air. I fall over wrinkles in the carpet. I fall going up stairs. I "kiss" the bottom of the pool. I have even fallen in a stand up shower. Yes, I have fallen in a stand up shower. Just ask my beloved sister and my six year old.
Now, you may ask, why am I so clumsy? I could blame it on my benign proximal vertigo but alas that only affects me when I go from a sitting to a lying down position (makes my love life interesting to say the least and I have to have my teeth cleaned while sitting up) or I could blame it on my size ten or eleven (depends on shoe) feet or I could even blame it on my trying to do too many things at one time. Nay, the truth is... I am just clumsy. It may be a combination of all of the above or it could be that I get so involved in thinking about something that I don't pay attention to what is going on around me. I choose to believe that God needs some laughs every once in a while what with all the death, destruction and Obamanation going on in the world. God in all his glory looks down upon me and says "you know, after dealing with the Occupy people I think I need a good laugh... Oh let's see how we can embarrass her today". But see, what God doesn't know is... I am beyond being embarrassed by my clumsiness. I own it now. I have fallen in public so often now that I do nothing but laugh (hysterically), brush myself off, check for broken bones and irreparable harm to my dignity, and go about my business. I have slid down my front stairs, landed in an impossibly awkward position that you would have sworn would end in broken legs, and gotten up laughing so hard that I was crying. My friend who had come to pick me up that day for school had her cell phone in hand ready to call 911 with her mouth hanging open watching me laugh. I am not for sure she did not think I had broken what tentative link to reality I had along with broken a bone.
The latest and so far greatest (tied with falling in the stand up shower which I choose to blame on too much body wash) was at 5:30 a.m. I awoke out of a deep slumber to go check on my charge (a charming two year old named Julie; just call me Nanny Saun Saun). As I swing my legs over the side of the bed, I snag my toe or foot on a bag, pitch forward hit my head on the desk chair, land on my knee (yes that is where the rug burn came from) and roll over on my side. There were no witnesses to this but God and like I said I am here for his amusement. I do believe that this event is directly related to "getting up on the wrong side of the bed".
I am a woman of deep and complex thoughts, a loving heart, a stubborn personality, a witch without her coffee, caffeine, and carbs, and clumsy as all get out. And I OWN it. I wear the crown and the only person who could come close to taking it from me is my beloved sister.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
The House that Crack Built Part Three
As my foray into singledom continues and my attempt to turn my "house that crack built" into a home for myself and my family, I dig my heels deep into what has served me well over the years, PURE STUBBORNNESS. Yes, stubbornness, cause Lord knows I could be a lot further along in the repair business if I did not insist on doing things my way.
There is a series by Sarah Graves that I like to read. It is titled "Home Repair is Homicide". The repairs that she does to her Federal style house are way out of my league in terms of scale and talent. However, the very real fact that my house was built by crack heads (see previous posts for proof of this) and that I am doing the repairs when I have no talent, money or time are proof enough that I am involved in my very own version of Sarah Graves novels.
When you are a single woman and are working on your own home, you have several options to get things done:
Hire someone (this method works as long as you have money to pay said repair person)
Ask a friend for help (this option has served me well over and over and I am grateful the Lord has seen fit to bless me with the friends He has)
Do it yourself (ahhh.... this is the option that I go for as often as I can, with mixed results)
Don't do anything and let it continue to fall apart (this is how I got stuck with so much work in the first place but hey, it builds character)
I have a good friend who I call when I am contemplating some purchase or repair that is outside my skill set. Recently the conversation turned to the element in my oven needing to be replaced. He asked if I could have my ex boyfriend or my ex brother in law put the new one in since there is some wiring involved. I got slightly offended that he did not think I could handle the job. In his defense, he has known me for about fifteen years and is quite aware of my limitations around wiring, plumbing, automotives and lawnmowers. So my taking offense lasted oh all of five seconds. My response to his blatant assumption that I may be better off having someone with knowledge or hell, even a better set of tools (and that is not a euphemism for what is between a male's legs) install the element was an indignant "I don't want to have a man fix something every time something breaks in my home. I am perfectly capable of figuring it out on my own, looking the instructions up on the internet or hell, even YouTubing (and yes it is now a verb) it". He soothed my ruffled feathers and wished me luck.
Doing things myself: I have wired my thermostat after it was taken down for the professional help to put the sheetrock up. I did this by pulling the schematics up on the internet and connecting wires as shown. I have replaced outlets with only minor shocks. I can unclog drains (this skill came after my ex husband got tired of unclogging the Upipe under the sink after I had poured grease down it over and over. He finally had enough and told me I was on my own to get it unclogged. Tough love. Gotta love it.) I fixed the locking mechanism on my front load washing machine after I broke it slamming the door shut after putting a queen size comforter in it (they don't fit). Again, I looked up online how to replace the part after I bought it. I have even stopped leaking pipes, jerry rigged my son's bed and put up light fixtures (this I do not like doing at all). Every time I accomplish something on my own, I get excited and thrilled. I am not dependant on a man!!! No one in the world knows how much this means to me. The very real independence that I get from being able to accomplish a task on my own or with minimal help is thrilling to me.
When I walk into my home, I am walking in to my sanctuary. I look around at all the changes I have made in the last two years. I love it. I am content and happy at the choices I have made. The paint colors, the designs... Every part I had a hand in I am pleased with. There is a very real sense of satisfaction when you are successful in your endeavors. I take pride in my surroundings and my home is a testament to all that I have endured and all the hard work I have done in the last two years and I am in love with it.
Working on my home has taught me several things... patience, prioritizing, praising God, skill, and most important of all: I can accomplish something when I set my mind to it.
Next up for my home: light fixtures up, new faucet in the kitchen, new smoke detectors, and repair some sheet rock. That should be done in next week or so. After that, I hope to get the trim put up and a window replaced.
The house that crack built is becoming the home that Saundra Chavis made... It is fun and it is frustrating but it is all MINE.
There is a series by Sarah Graves that I like to read. It is titled "Home Repair is Homicide". The repairs that she does to her Federal style house are way out of my league in terms of scale and talent. However, the very real fact that my house was built by crack heads (see previous posts for proof of this) and that I am doing the repairs when I have no talent, money or time are proof enough that I am involved in my very own version of Sarah Graves novels.
When you are a single woman and are working on your own home, you have several options to get things done:
Hire someone (this method works as long as you have money to pay said repair person)
Ask a friend for help (this option has served me well over and over and I am grateful the Lord has seen fit to bless me with the friends He has)
Do it yourself (ahhh.... this is the option that I go for as often as I can, with mixed results)
Don't do anything and let it continue to fall apart (this is how I got stuck with so much work in the first place but hey, it builds character)
I have a good friend who I call when I am contemplating some purchase or repair that is outside my skill set. Recently the conversation turned to the element in my oven needing to be replaced. He asked if I could have my ex boyfriend or my ex brother in law put the new one in since there is some wiring involved. I got slightly offended that he did not think I could handle the job. In his defense, he has known me for about fifteen years and is quite aware of my limitations around wiring, plumbing, automotives and lawnmowers. So my taking offense lasted oh all of five seconds. My response to his blatant assumption that I may be better off having someone with knowledge or hell, even a better set of tools (and that is not a euphemism for what is between a male's legs) install the element was an indignant "I don't want to have a man fix something every time something breaks in my home. I am perfectly capable of figuring it out on my own, looking the instructions up on the internet or hell, even YouTubing (and yes it is now a verb) it". He soothed my ruffled feathers and wished me luck.
Doing things myself: I have wired my thermostat after it was taken down for the professional help to put the sheetrock up. I did this by pulling the schematics up on the internet and connecting wires as shown. I have replaced outlets with only minor shocks. I can unclog drains (this skill came after my ex husband got tired of unclogging the Upipe under the sink after I had poured grease down it over and over. He finally had enough and told me I was on my own to get it unclogged. Tough love. Gotta love it.) I fixed the locking mechanism on my front load washing machine after I broke it slamming the door shut after putting a queen size comforter in it (they don't fit). Again, I looked up online how to replace the part after I bought it. I have even stopped leaking pipes, jerry rigged my son's bed and put up light fixtures (this I do not like doing at all). Every time I accomplish something on my own, I get excited and thrilled. I am not dependant on a man!!! No one in the world knows how much this means to me. The very real independence that I get from being able to accomplish a task on my own or with minimal help is thrilling to me.
When I walk into my home, I am walking in to my sanctuary. I look around at all the changes I have made in the last two years. I love it. I am content and happy at the choices I have made. The paint colors, the designs... Every part I had a hand in I am pleased with. There is a very real sense of satisfaction when you are successful in your endeavors. I take pride in my surroundings and my home is a testament to all that I have endured and all the hard work I have done in the last two years and I am in love with it.
Working on my home has taught me several things... patience, prioritizing, praising God, skill, and most important of all: I can accomplish something when I set my mind to it.
Next up for my home: light fixtures up, new faucet in the kitchen, new smoke detectors, and repair some sheet rock. That should be done in next week or so. After that, I hope to get the trim put up and a window replaced.
The house that crack built is becoming the home that Saundra Chavis made... It is fun and it is frustrating but it is all MINE.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Virgin List
Everyone has a list. A wish list, a bucket list... a list of things they want to do... I call mine the virgin list. I call it the virgin list because it is a list of things I want to do that I have never done before. This year my list is short and simple. Zip lining. I am deathly afraid of heights and being the stubborn, hardheaded girl that I am, I thought I would try zip lining as a way to overcome this fear. It is the same reason I will get on a ferris wheel or a roller coaster knowing that I will stop breathing and my heart will practically jump out of my chest from the time the ride starts until I am safely on my two feet on firm ground.
I have never been afraid of trying new things, be it food, activity, or places... hell even people. I ain't scared!!! Nope not I. To look at me, you would never think I have done some of the things I have. And that's a good thing. My looks deceive. I am the mild, overweight, plain mother of two who under her facade is a free spirit who loves to push her own envelope.
My virgin list includes zip lining (going next weekend in Myrtle Beach and again for my birthday in July at a place in Fayetteville), New York City, kayaking, run in a marathon, parasailing, skydiving, drive across country, and go on a cruise.
I am sure my list will grow and change as I get older and my interests change. Several items on my virgin list are on there to challenge my body and my fears. Several are on there just because I have always wanted to do them.
I am the girl that once she gets her mind set on something, she will move heaven and earth to make it happen. I am stubborn to a fault and don't know when to call it quits. This has served me well and not so well, depending on the situation.
I am determined to bust my cherry (pardon the pun) on the items on my virgin list....
I have never been afraid of trying new things, be it food, activity, or places... hell even people. I ain't scared!!! Nope not I. To look at me, you would never think I have done some of the things I have. And that's a good thing. My looks deceive. I am the mild, overweight, plain mother of two who under her facade is a free spirit who loves to push her own envelope.
My virgin list includes zip lining (going next weekend in Myrtle Beach and again for my birthday in July at a place in Fayetteville), New York City, kayaking, run in a marathon, parasailing, skydiving, drive across country, and go on a cruise.
I am sure my list will grow and change as I get older and my interests change. Several items on my virgin list are on there to challenge my body and my fears. Several are on there just because I have always wanted to do them.
I am the girl that once she gets her mind set on something, she will move heaven and earth to make it happen. I am stubborn to a fault and don't know when to call it quits. This has served me well and not so well, depending on the situation.
I am determined to bust my cherry (pardon the pun) on the items on my virgin list....
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