I remember back when I was seventeen. I lived with the Roser family. A beautiful, talented family in Stafford, Va. They took me in when things were not going well at home. They were Lutheran, still are I assume. I would go to church with them and after services I would sit with the preacher, minister, pastor? Not sure what his title was. We would discuss my situation, my faith, any questions I had. I remember being doubtful and mistrustful of anything he said. I was brought up attending Cape Fear Baptist Church with my grandma. So I knew the stories. I knew what I was supposed to believe.... I just wasn't sure I did believe.
A lot of questions have arose in response to the shooting deaths of the children and adults in CT last Friday. Tomorrow will be a week. Some have said that it was God's will because the state passed a same sex marriage law. Others have said that God was nowhere around because there is no prayer in school. Others have said that we need tougher gun laws. Still others swear it is because the killer (he who refuses to be named) was autistic...
I was taught that God's plan for us was designed long before we were ever brought on to this world. That everything that was to happen was already conceived. God's plan was God's plan. Given that, is it not perhaps possible that this was meant to happen according to God's will? That these beautiful people died so tragically to meet some greater plan? That their lives and their deaths were to make changes in the world? That the events that unfolded may influence people to do things differerently? This is just me playing Devil's Advocate based on what I was taught as a child.
Westboro Baptist believes that this is God's will because of CT passing a same sex law. I don't believe God would make an example of so many of his children for this reason. I don't know God to be vendictive and mean spirited. I was taught God was loving and whatnot. However, I am not always on speaking terms with God so I cannot claim to know. But given that God was responsible for creating all of HIS creatures, including but not limited to gay and lesbians, I can't see how he would destroy such beautiful people for a law that was passed.
If you believe that our lives are played out on a linear path (A has to happen before B and then C happens because B happened and so on... ) then you understand that there were things laid out that led up to this tragedy. What if the killer's mother did not target shoot and own guns? What if the parents had not divorced? There are so many what ifs that I think you could safely go all day long just trying to understand. We will never get the answers we want. Never.
As a woman who struggles with her spirituality, I can safely say that I think that prayer in school or not, this would have happened. I wonder sometimes if the people promoting prayer in school, actually take their children to church. Morality and spirituality should start in the home. It is not our schools' responsibility to teach our children to be ethical and moral humans. Their job is to provide an education to our youth that will create productive members of society. If parents wish for their children to attend a nonsecular school, they should home school or send to a christian based school. I don't think that prayer in school is a bad thing at all. I honestly believe that our children's education should be complemented by instruction at home.
Gun control is a hot debate and always will be. The fundemental right to bear arms was written in to our constitution for a reason. I don't think stripping citizens of their right is going to stop these tragedies. There are too many ways to get things illegally. If a person wants to do something and are determined enough, they will find a way.
Our society is at a crossroads. We have to look deep down in to what we are doing to ourselves and our future generations. I don't think there is any one clear cut way to correct things that will not take time. We may want to start by looking at where our funding goes and where it should be going. Instead of taking money away from education and mental health and giving it to big corporate bailouts, we should build our society up and not make it worse. There is a lot to think about.
In the meantime, I, with my spirituality in distress, wonder what to tell my seven year old when he tells me that he had a nightmare that someone was trying to kill him.
I don't pretend to have any answers... There are far smarter people than me trying to figure this out. I do know that I do not want my child growing up in a culture of fear. I don't want him afraid to go to school, the mall, the movies, the park... So I am teaching him that there are good and bad people. But we are living our lives as if we will live long ones. Healthy, safe lives. Because if I don't then we are already dead... Walking around afraid to live. Afraid to be. Afraid to enjoy ourselves.
Just the ramblings of a slightly neurotic woman who questions everything....
